Morning Pages

Most mornings, I write about whatever comes to mind and publish it here. Are you looking for my list of software development resources? Head over to the Resources page.

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August 15, 2017

The subtle art of staying at home

I have a penchant for whimsically leaving the house without cause.

Working remotely, I have the freedom to remain in the comfort of my home for as long as I like. For whatever reason, that's typically only a couple hours.

Today I'm setting the intention to occupy myself here, at home, for the duration of the day. I want to practice disciplining myself to remain in my office, for sake of improving both my productivity as well as my mindful awareness.

I was reading from the book Full Catastrophe Living over the weekend. There was a particular passage about examining the richness in every moment, no matter how mundane the moment might seem.

Of all disciplines subject to needless hurrying, computing is probably the worst. There's a tendency to attempt to complete every task in as little time as possible, without regard for the beauty of the moments during which we're acting.

I wonder whether this tendency of mine to move quickly is a fear that I'll be outmatched by one of my peers. That, if only I go faster, I can hope to retain my position among them.

Slow down. Take inventory of the task. Breathe. Enjoy the process.

August 11, 2017

Why I decided not to buy a house

The rent is too damn high.

Especially here in Oregon. In Portland, rents were up 34% as of 2016.

Because of this, I've spent a disproportionate amount of my time contemplating whether I should buy a house to insulate my family from the threat of ever-increasing rents.

I called a mortgage broker. I surveyed the local real estate market here in Eugene. There are 1200 square foot houses with list prices greater than $300,000. And don't even ask about Portland, where I could barely afford a shoebox condo next to a freeway.

After seeing the San Francisco Bay Area become unaffordable even for the upper middle class, it's scary to imagine Oregon ending up in the same situation.

But then I realized something.

I don't want to own a house. Ever.

The only reason I want a house is to hedge against rising rents. I don't want to spend my weekends at Home Depot. I don't want to remodel a kitchen. And I really don't want to sink a ton of money into a house.

I like to move around. I like to live nimbly. To know I can call my landlord, pay a lease break fee, and be free to do anything I want.

A house is a prison. At least, for me. It might be a great investment for you. But I'd rather live in a micro-studio for the rest of my life than be stuck because I was afraid of rising rents.

August 10, 2017

Feeling insignificant

For the past few years I've been frantically saving and investing money.

I feel fortunate that my skills are in demand and permit me to invest a large percentage of my income while still enjoying a pleasant existence today.

But despite this, I find myself feeling insignificant, and blaming the balance of my investment account for my malcontent.

Reading this interview with Derek Sivers made me realize that while owning a nice pile of stocks and bonds makes me feel more financially secure, it will never make me feel more emotionally or spiritually secure.

In the absence of conspicuous consumption and overindulgence, I will not suddenly feel connected to others. I will not, by virtue of my frugality, be generous and noble.

The only way to feel connected and generous is to do generous deeds and to connect with others.

August 01, 2017

When you forget why

I don't ever want to forget why.

There are so many layers in what I do. From the sales process to the technical work to the administrative work.

It's easy to get caught in a cycle of continuing to do what you've always done without looking up from your work.

It's easy to forget that all this work is a means toward an end and not the end itself.

The end is my family.

The end is a cup of coffee enjoyed in tranquility on my porch.

The end is the cool breeze as I ride my bicycle along the river.

I want to serve others. But I'll serve them better if I serve myself.

July 31, 2017

Addicted to advice

Self-help books. Articles on Medium and Thought Catalog. Top ten lists. Seminars. Order my monthly coaching package.

And in rushes the anxiety. Are you doing everything you could be? Are you doing enough? Do you have what it takes? What will happen if you don't act now? Are you falling behind?

Are we addicted to advice? Are we listening too much too often to the babble of other people who tell us they know better how to be?

I challenge myself today to rely on instinct. To act on intuition. To beat my own drum and to listen to the song.

I'm Teejay, and I'm a recovering advice addict.

July 31, 2017

Integrity

Integrity is a virtue.

There are a million ways to make your website convert better. But some of them abuse the visitor and dangle carrots that don't help them.

I can't remember the last time I saw an on-exit popup that made me smile.

It's easy to make a living selling the idea of becoming rich or famous and then not deliver.

It's harder to make a living encouraging someone to do their best and genuinely help them get as far as they can.

I don't want to sell shovels to miners. My vow to my clients is simple: I will always act in your best interest.

July 29, 2017

Fighting the urge to remain in motion

Do you ever find yourself involuntarily trending toward making life more difficult than it need be? To crave change and excitement—the very same that you were trying to eradicate through the simplicity and calm you now inhabit?

I've felt that way recently. A drive to shake things up for the sake of shaking them up. Funny though; where I am now was a dream only a year ago.

It pays to reflect on our journey occasionally to recognize our progress. But fighting the urge to remain in motion is futile until we reach the grave.

July 22, 2017

Remote for life

The last time I went to an office was in 2007.

I remember never quite feeling at ease. Wanting to work but feeling like there was a pressure to stay for the full eight hours. Not feeling like I could go take a break to clear my mind. Subordination.

Ten years later and I've invested in working from home.

I've built myself a lovely minimalist workstation where I'm able to be productive without distractions. I work in my sweatpants and make my own lunches. I'm simultaneously productive and happy and free. This is the lifestyle that works for me.

I know I might be missing out on career opportunities because of my stubbornness to work from home, but in my view they're not worth the commutes and the feeling of entrapment.

There was an article in the New York Times yesterday about people with commutes more than 2 hours. If you work an 8-hour day and commute 4 hours per day to get there and back, that's a 33% pay cut.

My trip to Portland reminded me how city commuting can be stressful. The busyness and the sense we all have to be somewhere fast. From my perspective, we ought to spend our time figuring out how not to do that anymore.

That's why I've built my life around working remotely. And while I might turn down opportunities to grow, I know I'm in control of my own time.

July 18, 2017

The Portland That I Used To Know

I went to Portland this past weekend to attend Edward Tufte's excellent Presenting Data and Information course.

Having lived there for the better part of a decade, I've always thought of Portland as my adulthood home. A place to which I'd return someday. A place bookmarked in time.

But now I'm not so sure. The experience I had in Portland this time left my befuddled: Had Portland changed so dramatically in the three years I'd been gone, or did my own values change?

My friends there say it's probably a bit of both. I remember a Portland where ordinary people could afford to open small businesses. Now it seems as though all of those lovely local businesses are closing. I'm not opposed to change and certainly don't think preservation legislation is the answer, but it's a difficult and depressing pill to swallow.

And can we talk about the cultural shift? I don't mean to stereotype, but I'm about to. When did Portland go from a place where the punks and weirdos thrive to a place where it seems as though people go to great lengths to manicure their appearance to the point of absurdity? Was Portland always the epicenter of douchey-cool and I've just grown out of it? Or has it reached its tipping point?

I still love the Portland cityscape and don't bemoan out-of-towners who dream of moving there. One of the unique draws of city life is being surrounded by people different from you. But Portland's recent homogenization represents a shift away from that diversity. I'm not talking about racial diversity or even ethnic diversity. I mean diversity of ideas. A place where both artists and businesspeople can thrive. That's the Portland I left. And now I'm not so sure I'll go back.

July 11, 2017

Buffers

Life is peaceful when there are buffers.

The time between the present moment and your next obligation is a buffer. The money in your bank account that protects you from insolvency is a buffer. Food in the pantry. The space between your neighbor's house and your own.

As I've grown older, I've noticed I want wider buffers. I'm less willing to allow them to shrink to their size ten years ago. Busyness. Brokeness. Empty pantries and tiny apartments.

Part of me misses that wild abandon. But when I sleep at night knowing there's a cushion between me and the world, I smile.

July 10, 2017

That feeling when you want to give up

Marketing yourself sure is an anxious chore. I'm plenty qualified for all sorts of full-time jobs, but I'm resolute against taking one since I know I work best when I'm free.

What does freedom mean to me?

Freedom means the ability to wake up when my body tells me instead of when an alarm sounds its siren. It means I can take some time between clients to ride my bicycle around town casually without worrying that I need to return to the office. It means I'm not burdened by day-to-day inter-office politics. That I can provide immense value without being physically present.

But it's tough out there. Not in the economic sense; there's probably plenty of work to be done. But marketing yourself as a consultant is no easy task. Most consultants probably wouldn't admit such a thing on their website for fear of being perceived as a failure or a fake.

I'm not afraid of that because I know my value, but I am afraid of failure. I'm afraid I'll soon be applying for jobs and working 40 hours per week and giving up on this whole consulting thing for good. Which is humorous in its own way given the fact I'm nowhere near failing. But that's how fear works, isn't it?

July 09, 2017

Limiting beliefs and the tech industry

Limiting beliefs are beliefs we hold which constrain us in some way. We define ourselves by what we do or don't do, what we can or cannot do, what we are and what we aren't.

The tech industry, with its continuous cycle of innovation, cutthroat competition, and social darwninist hierarchy, can foster some pretty sinister limiting beliefs. I struggle with them regularly and I'm sure you do too.

I'm too old. There's plenty of chatter about ageism in the tech community. As someone who's turning 32 this year, I'm fearful of it, in spite of not having experienced it. I do wonder though, whether ageism is a bogeyman insecurity that can be overcome in the minds of those affected, rather than a form of systemic oppression. It's tempting to give up on that new startup or to believe we're unable to grasp new technologies on account of our age. But the market doesn't care how old we are, truthfully.

The market is too saturated. I'm running up against this resistance right now myself. Building a consulting business is no easy task. There is plenty of advice of how best to proceed when building a consulting business, and I've learned over the past few months that it's easy to get sucked into their vortex and forget to do the work. While some of the advice is prudent to follow, most of them are just selling shovels to the miners. I'm learning that the best way to build a business is to build the business. The market doesn't care how many players are in the game. It's just a matter of standing out among them.

All the good ideas are already taken. This one is fascinating to me, but I'm still succeptible to it. Imagine someone saying this in the days before the Internet. Lawyers didn't decide not to start a law firm because there were already lawyers in the world. Dentists didn't say "Well, there are already people fixing teeth. I guess that dream is off the table." Why are we so caught up in the notion that our idea need to be original? Competitors are a sign there are people willing to pay for what we offer. It's just a matter of providing more value than they do.

I'm writing this as a gentle reminder to myself: There's abundant opportunity for thoughtful and innovative people. It's just a matter of training our minds to open.

July 08, 2017

Why aren't more companies hiring independent consultants?

I'm noticing a trend as I'm bootstrapping my consulting business. There are plenty of awesome software development gigs, but most of them are full-time positions.

I have nothing against full-time positions; they're great for people who enjoy capturing a regular paycheck each month and don't like the sales process. But I'm not sure I understand how hiring full-time staff benefits the employer, especially in terms of cost benefit relative to hiring results-oriented consultants to complete the same work.

Employees are paid for their time. No matter the enriching culture you provide them internally, they have little incentive to be efficient aside from the possibility they'll lose their job. Most employees do want the best for their company, but their principal concern is the livelihood of their families and their ability to live life on their own terms. Paying an employee's salary for a year does not translate into results for the business. I've spent months as an employee working on projects which never made the company a dime because they were ill-conceived from the start. I got paid and the company got nothing.

Consultants charge for the outcomes they produce. If you need a new user interface for your web application, I'm going to spend a fair amount of time asking you why you need it. I'm going to dig deep into how such a move could improve your business fundamentals. I'm going to ask you difficult questions that have more to do with sales, marketing, and users than technology, infrastructure, or design.

When I send you an invoice, I'm going to tell you exactly the results you paid for. If you're not satisfied, you'll get your money back.

Feeling pressure to keep your team members employed because you know they rely on you for paying their rent? Hire a consultant and you won't have that problem. I'm happy when you don't need me anymore. Hopefully I worked myself out of a job and you can spend the money you would have allocated to my salary on marketing to more users or innovating in other ways.

There's a stigma abound that independent consultants are hawks looking to scoop up a payday without providing real value in return. I want to debunk that myth for good. Consultants are seasoned professionals who realize they don't thrive in the employer-employee model. We want nothing more than for you to succeed and to help you find the best possible path to get there. Our business is not one of billing hours, but of optimizing costs. We charge fees not based upon the time we spend, but based upon the value we provide.

July 04, 2017

A Notificationless Life

I'm an anxious person.

Wait, strike that. I'm striving not to carelessly apply labels. I sometimes suffer from anxiety. There. That's better.

I sometimes suffer from anxiety. Having spent the majority of my waking adult life in front of a screen, I'm no stranger to the anxiety-inducing nature of life online in 2017. The average computer or smartphone user has hundreds of apps vying for their attention, each hoping to take a slice.

It didn't used to be this way. Before 2009 and the introduction of Apple's Push Notification Service, your iPhone left you alone except for when you received a phone call or a text message. Those were simpler times.

Now, if we don't do something about it, we're subject to a near-constant buzzing and chirping. Emails. Text messages. Tweets. Likes. It doesn't stop. As a technologist, I feel almost apologetic for the culture of distraction that is now our everyday reality.

That's why I want to do you a favor. I'm going to make a suggestion that hopefully will change your life for the better. Ready?

Turn off all your notifications.

That's right. Turn them all off. Even your text messages. Maybe leave your phone call notifications on so people can reach you in case of an emergency. But you haven't experienced the serenity the people of the twentieth century took for granted until you turn off all your smartphone notifications.

Afraid you'll miss something? You won't. If something is important enough, someone will call you.